I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
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