please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
