I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
