Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
