just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
