Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
