he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
