That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
