just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize