Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
