I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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