Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize