I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
