alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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