No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
