Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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