My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
