I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
