Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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