apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
