Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
