I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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