they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
