kristin has been a bad kristin
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
