I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize