Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
