I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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