why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
