She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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