I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
