And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
