I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
