Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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