I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
