I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize