Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
