I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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