Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
