Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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