I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
