I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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