I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
