I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
