In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
