Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
