How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
