the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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