I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
