she was so not down for the gang bang
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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