I love black thongs
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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