we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize