I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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