Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
