I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize