no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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