Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Randomize
