I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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