Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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