just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
