What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
