Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
