Whod you bang
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
