Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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