No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Randomize
