Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
