2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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