Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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