Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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