dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
