the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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