The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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