My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
