Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
