dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
