All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
