she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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