I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
