You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
