we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
