Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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