I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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