you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
