i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
