So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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