You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
