Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Randomize
