Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
